I hadn’t anticipated Adara’s reaction, but that had been ignorance on my part.  This was Adara, after all.  Ever since I had met her, she had never been one to stick to the plan, or do what was easy.  Maybe that’s why I loved her.  I didn’t know anymore.  I had given up trying to figure it out. 

But no matter what my feelings on the subject were, I couldn’t dwell on them. 

I cleared my throat.  Adara showing them his picture wasn’t a good idea.  He looked so much like her, but there were a few traits he had inherited from me.  It wasn’t wise for anyone to stare too long at him. 

Casum was still looking at Adara while Regina, annoyed with the dramatic turn of events, glanced at her watch.  She was the one person who didn’t need to catch the similarities.  If she realized who I really was, she could make this a lot more difficult.

I stood up and squared my shoulders to help emphasize my height.  At 6’3, it wasn’t entirely necessary, but establishing my dominance never seemed to hurt the matter.  Adara instantly relaxed herself and I saw the almost imperceptible shift in her stance from commanding to quiet. 

Will we ever be free of the magnetic pull between us?  You move, I move…

“If Mr. Casum is willing, I would like to table this for a short period.”  I spoke a little louder than necessary, but at this point I just needed to get out of here. Adara’s scent permeated all around me and the memory of my son lost too soon was making it harder to breath. 

Casum motioned for Regina, and after a few seconds of his whispered direction, she began shaking her head, vehemently. 

“I would strongly advise…” she was whispering to him urgently, but he just ignored her.

“Adara…” He paused and for the first time since being in here, sat up straight in the chair.  The smug look that had been all over his face was now replaced with a serious, contemplative one.  My hands curled into fists at my side, instinctively.  “Would you?” He motioned for her to sit and surprisingly she did.  He looked up to me with a questionable look, so I sat as well.

“I apologize for my dismissive attitude during this mediation.”  He was looking at Adara, in what appeared to be a sincere expression.  “I cannot pretend to know what it is like for a mother to lose her child, and I will not ever be able to repay to you the pain and suffering that you will no doubt carry forever.”

I’d seen his play hundreds of times and this was no different. I had to remind myself that she had been married to him, so she would’ve been well acquainted with his game, too.

“What happened to Sam was-” 

“Don’t.” Adara slapped her hand down on the table, effectively cutting him off.  His face immediately turned contrite and he lifted his hands in a defensive manner.  I looked over to Mr. Reynolds and the stenographer.  Neither of them had been caught off guard once since we started, but Adara’s reaction startled them both. 

“Look…” He said after a few moments.  Adara relaxed a bit and slid her hand back into her lap.  She looked at me and lifted her eyebrow in an annoyed manner.

“Mr. Casum, is there something specific you are trying to say to my client?”  I intentionally spoke louder than was necessary.  He was watching her too closely; my skin crawled.  She continued looking in my direction, pressing her lips into a hard line.

“I know this is only a small offer in comparison to what you’ve lost, but I would like to increase my offer to $9 million altogether and of course the Newport property.”

Regina’s eyes widened.  I was a bit surprised myself.  He must have actually felt some remorse over this.   But it was too little, too late.

I looked over to Adara; her eyes were tightly shut.  She turned in her chair and all I could see was her profile.  Her cheeks began flushing bright red and it seemed like all the air in the room disappeared.  The silent moment felt like years.  It was beyond impossible to predict what reaction she would give.

“Chuck…”  Dara’s voice was so twisted with anger I was unsure what was coming next.  She shook her head and pinched the bridge of her nose.  She looked back to me, her walnut-colored eyes swimming in tears. “Do whatever you have to, and I’ll sign it.”  Her voice was void of emotion. Then without another word, she stood and walked out of the room.

After a moment of silence, I looked to Reynolds, then to Regina, “Once you’ve re-written the agreement, please fax it to my office for review.” 

I couldn’t look at him.  I wouldn’t look at him. 

I pulled the stray documents and papers back into my briefcase.  Regina made her exit, followed by Reynolds and the stenographer.  Once the door shut behind them, I heard Charles let out an exaggerated sigh.  He was chuckling to his self and I could feel his expectant gaze. 

“Tom, man, come on…”  Did he really expect me to be his friend?  I clicked my brief case closed and cleared my throat.

“Chuck,” I was gripping the handle of my briefcase a bit too hard, “I can’t be your friend.”  I said firmly. 

He was standing now and watching me.  If I let him talk, if I let him try, he would only try to play this off.  That’s how he operated, but he needed to see it was different this time.  We weren’t teenagers trying to explain away what happened to the Porsche after prom or the beach house during sophomore year Spring break.

“We really should talk though, unofficially.”  The suave callous attitude he projected prickled the hairs on my neck.  Something was off.  “I think-” he began, but I stopped him.

“Charles.”  I was feeling really odd, but I didn’t have the energy to dissect his demeanor further.  “I’m her lawyer, Chuck.  I…” I couldn’t tell him what else I had been to his ex-wife, but being her lawyer would be enough for now. “I am on her side.”  I don’t think my rebuke phased him, but he did remain silent, allowing me the chance to escape.   

I walked out feeling extremely uncomfortable. 

What was that about?  I shook my head, trying to clear away the haze clouding my mind, but was unsuccessful. 

Why did I agree to do this?  I looked around.  There were several groups of people filling the expertly staged office, but all seemed to be lacking the one I was looking for. 

Where did she go?

Again, I’m not sure what I had expected.  Adara was nowhere to be found when I left the conference room.  I could have stayed to discuss the terms of the agreement with Regina, but I really wasn’t in the mood for her snobbish, ice-queen routine, or the weird vibe Charles was throwing off.

I hadn’t realized where I was going until I found myself parked in front of the house.  After accepting the reason for my absentmindedness, I called Charlotte and asked her to please cancel the rest of my afternoon.  I should have kept the afternoon empty anyways. 

“Of course, Mr. McAllister, and what would you like me to do with the proposal that just came in from Iron and Tower?”  I shouldn’t have been surprised.   Regina was very efficient, but I still didn’t expect her to have it ready this fast.  If I had gone back into the office, I could’ve called Adara under the guise of reviewing the agreements.  I wanted to talk to her about today, but I knew that would’ve been futile.  Perhaps it was better I didn’t go back to the office.   

“Just put it on my desk and I’ll review it first thing in the morning.  That will be all Charlotte, thank you.”

I sighed and leaned back against the headrest.  How had this happened? 

I’d given up hope that Adara would show any sign of wanting to be with me, very early on.  I could count on one hand the amount of times I had seen Adara since that night.  Every time I had seen her she had been cold and callous towards me.  I tried, so many times, to talk to her.  She never opened the door when I would try to visit, and then she stopped answering my calls. It felt like I had lost them both that night.  My entire life, everything I loved, went up in those flames.

I was in a state of disbelief when she showed up in my office, six months ago. 

Anger was my first reaction; she had ignored me for so long, and then asked me to relive that nightmare, with her.  Reviewing all the evidence including the police and coroner’s reports was beyond horrific. 

The problem was it was Adara.  I would have been there for her in spite of everything, if she needed me.  So I put myself through it all over again, simply because she has asked me to. 

If she cared about me, she wouldn’t have asked me to represent her.  She should have just stayed away.  If she had just stayed away, I could have at least suffered in peace. 

The confined space of my LS made this mental deluge unbearable, but I really didn’t want to go back into that house.  I never did.  I could have sold it easily.  It was too big and full of memories for me, but I couldn’t seem to let it go. 

I mustered the strength to move.  Stepping out of the car, my eyes were drawn down to the small patch of grass forming an imperfect circle around my feet.  Andrew must have come by today.  The flowers looked pretty and the lawn seemed greener, except for this same patch of grass. 

The mid-September air hadn’t chilled enough to be uncomfortable and twilight had set in.  Perfectly centered in the middle of the lush lawn sat our ash tree.  It still had some green in it, but the weather would soon have its way.    I stood for several moments, staring at it, until the little walkway lights started to flicker on.

I was staring at the trunk of the tree, thinking about how much it had grown in the past year when the memory flooded me. 

Adara and I had been discussing them moving in but she hadn’t made up her mind.  Sam wasn’t able to really speak yet, but he knew “tree”, so I decided to do something to help cement their place here, with me. 

A tear rolled down my face. 

“One day, when you’re big, this tree will be big too.”  I had just put the little tree in the freshly dug up ground, and Sam was sitting in my lap, on the grass, helping me to fill in the hole. 

“Tree, dada?” His hands were deep in the soil, and he had mimicked my action of patting the soil back into place.

“Big tree, Sammy.”  He looked up at me with his big green eyes.  They were almond shaped, like Adara’s, but the same color as mine.  Adara was sitting on the porch swing watching us.  When I glanced back to look at her, she was smiling. 

My heart ached.

Out of the corner of my eye I caught a slight movement.

“Took you long enough…” Adara’s voice drifted over to me, through the air.  She was sitting in the exact same spot as she had in my faded memory.  It was unreal. I immediately looked back to the tree to see if the little boy still sat in his father’s lap, but no, they were long gone.             

After the ache slowly subsided, I unlocked my legs and began my way up the path.  “Want one?” She patted the empty space next to her, inviting me.

“How long have you been here?” I sat facing forward, away from her.  I needed to get my thoughts ordered.  The enigma that was Adara wouldn’t be something I would ever really understand, so lingering over the strong feelings I experienced this afternoon wouldn’t be worth discussing.  I popped the top of a long neck and was warmed by the strong, familiar taste of a Snow Hole beer; I smiled at the irony.  

“Long enough to see the sun set,” she took another swig, “and long enough to see your ritual.” The way she said it was off, like she was mocking me.    

“I miss him too, Dara.”  I said defensively.  I played with the condensation from the bottle.  I couldn’t describe what it really was that I felt anyways.  It was so much more than “miss”.  I felt like part of me was gone.  I wasn’t whole; I never would be whole.  I felt weak and small.  I took another drink, this one longer. 

After Sam died, she couldn’t even come back here unless everything was gone.  It took me two horrible days to get everything into the garage, where it’s sat, untouched.  I looked toward the garage as I took another long drink and finished it.  My temper was trying to rise, so I quickly grabbed another bottle and forced the lid off. 

She couldn’t have been bothered to stick around, even for me.  He was mine, too.  It killed me, too.  It’s not like I’m a monster, I know she needed time and that it was different for her, more intense for her.  But, man!  I needed her, and she just… Disappeared…

I suddenly didn’t want her there.  This had been the first time she had come back to the house since he died, and it made me angry.  Her being there felt wrong.  This was my piece of Sam.

“Why are you here?”  My question must have caught her off guard, because her eyes widened and she paused midway raising the bottle to her lips.  She finished her drink and sat the bottle down, straightened her back and took a deep breath.

“I’m sorry, Tom.”

Dara wasn’t one to apologize for anything, so now I was the one caught off guard.  I kept my face emotionless, waiting for her to continue.  She had plenty she could apologize for, but what was she specifically sorry about?

“I really lost my cool, today.  I could have really hurt the case, and all the hard work you put into it, so, I’m sorry for being too…” she searched for the right word, “Me.”

I continued to stare at her.

Is she serious? She’s apologizing for losing her cool?  And all the hard work I put into it?

I was getting angrier by the second, but became completely distracted when she reached up and pulled pins out of her hair. 

She was desperately lovely, it was infuriating.  Her skin glowed in the night, a warm caramel color, and her thick curls fell in tight spirals, all around her. 

I was unable to stop watching her and the atmosphere shifted.  Her lips parted slightly, and then she ran her tongue over her bottom lip and pulled the corner of it into her mouth.

You move, I move…

“For God’s sake Dara…” I stood and walked over to the edge of the porch.  When I reached up to loosen my tie I remembered it was still sitting in the car.  The trouble I was having trying to breath wasn’t because of any physical hindrance. 

I leaned against the post, and was staring up into the sky when I felt her behind me.  She laid her cheek against my back and clasped her hands around my waist. My breathing slowed a bit and I closed my eyes, focusing on the warmth of her. 

I’m not sure how long we stood like that, but she finally broke the silence.

“I wasn’t trying to do that, Tom.”  Her voice was strained.  I took a deep breath.

“I know.”  I ran my fingers along the lines of hers, squeezed her hand, and then gently pulled her hands apart to release me.  I took another step down, away from her and turned to face her. 

Dara was so beautiful.  I itched to push her mass of curls away from her face and to trace the slight curve of her neck.  She lowered her gaze and I watched her long lashes fan out perfectly against the faint blush of her cheeks.             

“I’m sorry for…” she paused, “I’m sorry for leaving, that night.”  She opened her eyes and the pain I could feel emanating from her was palpable.  “I’m sorry for leaving you.”